Who Am I? by Marilyn

Word count 618

Here is a little ficlet I had done about Johnny thoughts about his life and how it had changed since he’d had come home. I do hope you enjoy.


The cool night air was a welcome from the day’s hot sun. It had steadily beaten down on the earth all day, showing no mercy for man nor beast. It was a clear night; the stars were shining bright in the sky as they twinkled and danced around the heavens.

The beauty of the sky brought a smile to Johnny’s tanned face while he nestled in the tall, cool grass and gazed up at it. Then, like many nights before, one thought came to him in the quiet of the night–‘Who am I?’

Madrid….he knew some hated that name…feared it even. But, whenever danger had come along, it had brought him confidence, maturity and protection for him and others. But mostly it brought respect-the respect he longed for when he was a child. He’d vowed one day, ’No one will ever hurt me like that again.’

He loved the name ’Madrid.’ What better name for a ’half-breed gun-hawk’ alone in this world.

‘Lancer’… another name that was powerful, trusted and respected. His birth name; a name that had been buried deep inside him for as long as he could remember. He had been forbidden to use the name Johnny Lancer back then…hell his mama had so many names, he’d lost count of who he was suppose to be, even to what name to answer to! Mostly it was ‘Mestizo.’

Sure, ‘Madrid’ had kept him alive but he loved and hated that person he’d become: a hired killer….a soldier of fortune. He hated the things he’d done; they made him sick inside, twisting his innards into a painful knot. He’d thought there’d be no getting away from it…only by death…until not so long ago; the day Lancer came back into his life. Now things had changed.

He cherished what Lancer had given him; a real home , a family he thought he’d never have. But he’d been Madrid for so long that it’ was hard to leave him behind. And the transformation from Madrid to Lancer had not been an easy one, but he was doing it. And even though he hated to admit it, he still missed the days of being free; his own man.

But he didn’t miss the gunplay, and the death his gun had caused. “I guess Madrid will always be a part of you.” His father once told him. And Murdoch was right; a part of him that will surface only when it’s called on.

So lying there under the stars, still marveling at their magic, thinking on those words, he knew who he was-he was both Madrid and Lancer. Funny thing was, when Tallie asked, ’Who are you the most?” he didn’t even have to think twice-the name ’Lancer’ had flowed from his lips with ease.

So tonight…while he was lying there listening to the cows and the peaceful sounds of the night…he was Johnny Lancer, rancher. And tomorrow too, and the next day ,and the day after that…as they continued on their cattle drive.

Madrid will always be there for him and his family, and with that Johnny Lancer had never felt so secure ….so at peace. And most of all…loved The young ex-gun-hawk made himself a little more comfortable and smiled widely up at the moonlit sky, and sighed in pure contentment.

“Penny for your thoughts brother.” Scott said, stretched out beside him.

“Brother, a penny wouldn’t cover the cost of all my thoughts.” Johnny Lancer answered with a grin.



Thank you for reading! The authors listed on this site spend many hours writing stories for your enjoyment, and their only reward is the feedback you leave. So please take a moment to leave a comment.  Even the simplest ‘I liked this!” can make all the difference to an author and encourage them to keep writing and posting their stories here.  You can comment in the ‘reply’ box below or email Marylin directly.


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